E-love affairs - A way of Shaytaan

Authors:
Br. Moinuddin Pathan
Sis. Umme Lulu

Keep this in Mind:-

More often Shaytaan may not let you read this complete article because of its length or may be other excuses. I have tried my level best to reduce the length; had I reduced more, than the message may not be conveyed properly. Believe me brothers and sisters, the article is very interesting. It is like a story, Insha Allah! Your mind will not wander, you will not feel bored. Start with ‘Bismillah’ and be sincere to your LORD Allah SWT.

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We all know that Satan is the prevalent enemy of human being; he tries his level best to misguide the mankind and doing his job since he was rejected. Qur’an warn us about Shaytaan in various places (like, 15:32-40,17:62-65) including Surah Aa’araf 7:16-17

“He said: Because thou hast thrown me out of the way, lo! I will lie in wait for them on thy straight way: Then will I assault them from before them and behind them, from their right and their left: Nor wilt thou find, in most of them, gratitude (for thy mercies)."

Allah also commands us not to follow FOOT-STEPS of Satan (2:168, 2:208). History has proved that Satan tries his level best to divert righteous people from his path. He uses different strategies to different people depending upon their Iman. We have to be more powerful than the enemy to defeat him, whether it is in strategies, power, intellect, etc. In the same way we have to build our Iman strong in order to defeat Satan – the cursed one.

In today’s world committing sin becomes so easy:-

In this age, thanks to the technology, we can easily connect with the people across the globe, at the same time it involves lot of Fitnah. Do you think Allah provides you technology without test? This life is the test for the hereafter (Al Quran 67:2).You may be aware, couple of decades before, if a person wants to watch movie he has to visit Cinema hall or the place where television is available. Now, this “black-box” is present in every home with extra features like DVD player etc. Anyone wants to see anything it is on the finger tips; even committing zina of eyes is easy. Previously, people who wear fewer clothes were called poor, but today it is a fashion and style of this time. People feel proud to wear shorts. Few decades earlier, people who used to involve in sex for money were called prostitute, but today same kind of people are called sex-worker. If anyone calls them prostitute, people feel insult towards them. Similarly, couple of years before, people used to go to cyber to access internet, but today majority of them has it in home. See how the world is changing. In short, I would say in this modern world today vulgarity becomes morality and anyone who opposes this ideology easily label as conservative or sick mind people.

Today in this world our youths are living only imaginary life. Just visit the colleges, where our youths go to learn what they are doing there? Everyone has ear phone and they are busy in listening music. And what they listen? Music – which is strictly forbidden in Islam. And they believe it is tension-free. Huh! What kind of mentalities our youths have.

Have you ever thought why the cell phone companies are giving night calling free or less expensive? Simply! because they (brothers and sisters) can’t sleep whole night and talk with their friend. The peace of their mind is taken away.

Among all these weapons of Shaytaan the biggest weapon of this time is Internet. This article is about how the Muslim is misguided by Satan, written by a sister “Umme Lulu”.In this article she is addressing directly to sisters, but don’t think brothers are out of blame. Shaytaan misguides both. In the ending part of this article, we have provided few tips which will help you (Insha Allah) to defeat Satan in this respect.

Sister ‘Adds’ Brother: The Spark That Ignites the Flame:-

It starts when a brother adds you on Msn/Yahoo/Skype/IM/Faceboook/MySpace, and you start getting along. First it was just to ask for help, or send something to them, or for one reason or another but you knew you were not doing it for the wrong reasons, you did it because you just needed to, you know your priorities, morals, beliefs and your limits. You know you won’t make it go any further than just instant messaging the brother. Such a thing you know would be crossing the line and you're not going to let shaytaan get to you THAT easily. You've heard of the ways shaytaan tries to get people trapped in his scams and plans; pfft you think: I’m not stupid! I’m not going to do that! It’s not like you are going to marry him, right? You have no such intention. And you are definitely not boyfriend and girlfriend, astaghfirullah!! No way! Just brother and sister in Islam, bas! This is all innocent you tell yourself. You just talk about normal things, stuff you would discuss with your girls. There is nothing haraam about that?

But as time goes by, you start liking the brother…and so what if you like him right? That isn’t haraam either! And he doesn’t even like you anyway; it can’t and WON’T go any further is what goes through your mind. After awhile, you start getting thoughts like 'ohh imagine if me and him got together hehe' fun…. but ridiculous thought isn’t it? It’s just a thought!

You tell yourself it will not get too far, and you carry on talking to him. And now, you start coming online more often. You find yourself waiting for him.

During the day you might be doing your work or something else, but at the back of your mind you know you're just waiting and wishing for him to come online so you can talk to him and have a laugh. The little voice inside your head tells you something is wrong, but you push it aside. There’s nothing wrong about me talking to this brother! But of course, you know your parents wouldn’t approve of you talking to this non-mahram brother for hours each day. Alone. Actually you would imagine your parents and siblings would simply flip out if they found out about you communicating with him. And moreover, you would imagine ALLAH SWT would not approve of such a thing. Of this endless, pointless freemixing with this non-mahram brother. You remember all of the lectures talking about the dangers of this free mixing. What it can lead to, and the countless stories of individuals who started out with innocent friendships but ended up in something more….something haraam.

But, It’s fine you tell yourself, its all innocent! INNOCENT! He’s just a friend, nothing more! Yes, sure you are starting to develop feelings for him, but so what? You can just suppress it and never talk to him about it. Everything will just stay as it is, normal!

Soon, you start talking less to your other friends. You start avoiding them while online because you just want to talk to him only. In your conversations, you tell him everything. You start telling him your deep dark secrets: something you haven’t told many people, only the certain individuals that you trust. It’s ok, because you know and trust him! You are really close now……

And then one day OMG you can’t believe it! OMG OMG: wake up! Pinch yourself! Did he just admit that he likes you??? Finally wohoo, it got through to him that you like him and its the best perfect moment because he likes you too! !!!

You think: What now?? Where to go from here??

‘Friendship Turned Relationship’:-

Above we saw how a sister falls into the fitna of online relationships with a non-mahram brother. This relationship first began ‘innocent’. But now the brother and sister are not only talking for hours each day in secrecy without parent’s knowledge, but now they are calling each other and even sharing pictures. Basically they have transformed now into a ‘couple’. This relationship which is nowhere near marriage is of course not acceptable in Islam. This relationship is basically defined as boyfriend/girlfriend even though most Muslims who fall into it do not want to call it by such a name. These relationships come with a stamp of approval by none other than the shaytaan. He deludes each side with false ideas of love in order to keep them in this haraam relationship and encourages them to even go further all the way to Zina (adultery/fornication) which is one of the major sins. The brothers and sisters who are caught up in these relationships do not believe for a second they would end up committing such immorality, but as we know the majority of the time they actually do. SubhanAllah.

Oh my Allah you think….you and the brother have been ‘talking’ now for six months! Wow! That seems like forever. But now, it’s not like before. You don’t feel the burning guilt each time you think about him or IM him or call him. Or even when you send your pictures to him (still Hijabed of course!). It’s almost…normal. Sometimes you worry because you think maybe you lost your fear of Allah? Or maybe even your imaan? Because before while talking to him you felt ashamed, and tried anyway to turn away from Allah seeing you, even though you knew that was impossible. As Allah is the All-Seer and All-Knower. Now, it’s like you feel nothing, you feel 1000% comfortable talking with the brother. Your little voice warning you of this and that is becoming very silent lately. What happened? Isn’t that a bad thing? You think wait...isn't it like my internal compass, now is it broken??!

Before you can continue with your thoughts, you hear the very familiar ring tone; it’s him calling again!!! That makes it a shocking three times, in only one day! You forget everything you were just telling yourself…You didn’t loose your imaan, you didn’t loose your fear of Allah, hmm maybe you are just not feeling well. You rush to pick up the phone and start conversing with the brother. You are so happy when you are talking to him, he makes everything fine again. It’s like you forget all of your worrying and bad thoughts, these doubts that come to you whenever you are alone. That’s why you like talking to him as much as possible. He’s almost become like a shield from any reminder. Any painful reminder that is!

Weeks go by and things continue as they are. No change. No action. Not even an intention to change. As far as you are concerned you are not mixing into falsehood. Your goal justifies the means you are using at the moment.

One day one of your relative asks you to come to a lecture with her. You say sure, you would love to tag along. While in the car you ask the sister what the topic is. She replies: The Pathways to Zina. Oh, wow! What a topic…Oh my God did your heart just stop beating?! Wait, no you are fine. Phew. Ok, relax. Why the sudden panic? Have you committed Zina? Have you even come close to it? No…

Ok then, relax yourself! *Relaxed*. Ok, just attend the lecture and try not to draw attention to yourself ok? Ok!

The sister and you finally make it to the Masjid. The Sheikh starts the lecture. First he goes through the definition of Zina. We all know what it means you think. But why are you so nervous? Why do you feel like the sheikh is talking directly to YOU? You are just being paranoid! Just focus on the lecture.

The sheikh continues and mentioned a verse. The sheikh also recited it and translated for everyone:

The sheikh explains by saying Allah Azza wa Jal in His Wisdom did not only prohibit the munkarat (evil, abominable deeds) but also made the pathways to them prohibited as well. The sheikh pauses again.

You feel sweat coming down your forehead. Is it really that hot in here? Why are you burning up?

The sheikh continues as you listen attentively.

“So brothers and sisters. Let us ask ourselves. What are the pathways to Zina? To this most disgusting sin?

The audience is silent.

And come not near to unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a faahishah (a great sin) and an evil way.

(Al-Qur’an Surah Al-Israa 17:32)

The sheikh makes a dramatic pause. He continues: “Brothers and sisters, why do you think Allah does not say “Do not commit Zina”. Why does Allah Azza wa Jal say do not come NEAR to Zina?

The sheikh answers his own question. “Brothers and Sisters, wallahi there are many pathways to this sin. Among them is our neglecting Allah’s Command to lower our gaze. Among them is this extreme freemixing we see in our community….”

Again, the sheikh pauses. Why does he keep pausing?? You just might get a heart attack!

“And not to forget our online community as well because Allah Azza wa Jal is not watching us just when we are in the Masjid or at the Islamic Events. But Allah SWT is watching us wherever we are. Whether that is the Universities, whether that is the MSA or whether that is at home, while we browse our computers”.

OMG. No he didn’t just say that…. You heart stops.

“Brothers and sisters, we mistakenly trivliaze these sins, that are nothing but stepping stones to the greater sin of Zina. The uncontrollable gazing, the constant freemixing online and off. SubhanAllah, you hear brothers and sisters say it isn’t that big of a deal sheikh. That it’s all innocent and fun. What fun? Disobeying our Rabb is fun? Disobeying our Rabb is innocence? Since when ya Shabab?

You see amongst these same youth how ‘normal’ freemixing has become. SubhanAllah, you wouldn’t be surprised to see a brother or sister who regularly attends the Masjid and Islamic Events at home freemixing for hours each day. SubhanAlllah, is our piety just outside, where people can see? Do we not fear Allah who sees us as we spend these hours mingling with the other gender?

Do we not know the shaytan is just laying a trap for us, to ultimately commit shameful actions like the bigger Zina….while we commit the 'smaller zina with our eyes that are seeing haraam, our feet which are walking to haraam. Even our hands which we use to mingle and chat with the opposite sex? Do you not realize the shaytan's even bigger trap, to make us his companion in Jahanam? Brothers and Sisters! Let’s wake up from our desires. These countless hours we spend freemixing online and off only bringing us one step closer to the hellfire.

When will we wake up? When death comes, and it is too late to repent or come back to the straight path? SubhanAllah how many countless people were deceived before us, who thought their sins were trivial; that they were not ‘a big deal’? And how many of them now lay in their graves in regret? Do we want to end up with the same fate? No! So then we must leave these sins brothers and sisters, before our time is up. And who is to say when that will be? Today, tomorrow?..

You are now frozen in your place. You probably haven’t even blinked yet…

The sheikh continued to talk about freemixing and you became lost in your thoughts. You imagined yourself at your computer…talking to the brother. SubhanAllah what if your soul was taken away at that very moment? You would be raised up in that same state. Complete humiliation! Because of your sin….you finally acknowledged it. You are sinning! Oh my God. Sinning!! How did you even get here? What happened? Oh My God, you think, what happened to me? Nearly seven months in….a…relationship with a brother? SubhanAllah!! You feel hot tears coming down. You quickly duck your head down so no one can see.

The sheikh’s words interrupt your guilty thoughts. Now he is relating a story about a pious worshipper. His name was Barsisa and three brothers left their sister with him thinking that he was the best person to take care of her. What happened next? It was so long ago that you heard the story. You listen closely to the sheikh’s words.

The sheikh relates the whole story. SubhanAllah yes, you remember now! He comimited zina with her!! Astaghfirullah….and it all started with one glance, with one conversation. The whole time the shaytan was tempting him and finally the worshipper commited zina with the girl. OMG that wasn’t the end of it! The girl became pregnant. As the sheikh recounts the story you remember how it ended.

The worshipper killed the woman and her baby and ended up asking the shaytan for help. He made SUJOOD to him (KUFR). SubhanAllah! And the shaytan ditched him in the end saying: "I am free of you, I fear Allah, the Lord of the 'Alamin (mankind, jinns and all that exists) just like the verse in Surat al Hashr:

(Their allies deceived them) like Shaytan (Satan), when he says to man: "Disbelieve in Allah." But when (man) disbelieves in Allah, Shaytan (Satan) says: "I am free of you, I fear Allah, the Lord of the 'Alamin (mankind, jinns and all that exists)!" (Al-Hashr 59:16)

The worshipper ended up being killed by the brothers because they discovered what he did. SubhanAllah!! All because he fell for the shaytan’s whispers!

Now the tears are coming down hard and you can’t control or conceal them. Everyone looks at you. You run to the bathroom. Looking at yourself in the mirror. Fully covered Hijabi with tear stained eyes. Tears for months of sins committed. SubhanAllah. Imagine if you would have ended up like the worshipper? Committing Zina! O Allah you cry as you drop the ground, THANK YOU………..THANK YOU for saving me from Zina. You cry as you make a silent duaa: “O ALLAH, FORGIVE ME, FORGIVE ME FOR ALL OF THE OPRESSION I HAVE COMMITED AGAINST MYSELF. O ALLAH I TURN TO YOU IN COMPLETE REPENTANCE. I WILL STOP THE SINS I WAS COMMITING BEFORE, AND I WILL NOT FALL IN THE SAME TRAP AGAIN. YA RABB FORGIVE ME….”.

You sit on the floor for some time sobbing from regret for your wrongs.

The sheikh’s beautiful recitation can be heard on the loud speakers even in the upstairs bathroom where you are. What are the verses he is reciting now? You are still sobbing but you try to listen.

Wait…you know this verse! He’s reciting from….from….

Surah Zumar! Ch.39….Ayat no. 53!

Say: "O 'Ibadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

You can’t get that beautiful verse out of your head from Surah Zumar. Wow how MERICFUL is Allah, our Rabb! Who forgives His slaves for their wrongdoings! You continue to sit on the floor for some time reflecting and thinking about the next steps. What you are going to do as soon as you get home. You get up and before you leave you examine yourself in the mirror once again. You dry your eyes, and this time a small smile appears on your face. You think to yourself: I’m a Muslimah!! Alhamdulilahi Rabbil Alaamen! Where would you have been if you were otherwise? Where would you have been if you didn’t have your Islam? And your Merciful Rabb, who calls you to good and warns you from evil by sending so many reminders? You would be so lost!!

Alhamdulilah.

You go downstairs to the women’s section and listen to the rest of the lecture. The sheikh is now talking about marriage. You listen attentively.

You can hear it in his voice that the sheikh is smiling as he talks. You like his merciful approach! More people should be like this, because being merciful to one who does wrong, instead of being overbearing and harsh really works!

The sheikh says:

“The youth sometimes approach me and tell me: “Ya sheikh ! Why are you making marriage hard on us? Do you want us to remain single forever!! How are we supposed to find people if we can’t even TALK to them? Simple talking! And besides that’s what everyone does, especially in my culture…they can’t all be wrong?!”

Well brothers and sisters here are my answers. First of all: NOOO, I am certainly not trying to make marriage hard on you! There are too many singles in this Ummah! So please hurry to marry!!! What are you waiting for?

Some people in the crowd laugh.

The sheikh continues.

“Brothers and Sisters, remember it is marriage that is half of your deen and it will definitely be a form of protection for you in this land of Fitnah and will be better for your dunya and akhirah. So if you are able to, then marry! The Prophet Salalahu Alayhi wa Salaam said in an authentic hadith:

“O group of youngsters, whoever amongst you has the means should get married, because it keeps the gaze down the best and it is the most protecting for the private parts. Whoever does not have the means should fast, because that breaks the temptation.”

I encourage all the youth here to get married, and also for their parents to make this path to halal easy for them. For if you make it hard on them, they will pursue the paths to haraam instead.

Secondly, in response to “how are we supposed to find people, if we can’t talk to them”… then I say brothers and sisters, there are many ways to find suitable people to marry both online and offline. And we don’t have to swim in the rivers of haraam to reach this goal. The first step the youth should take is to TALK TO THEIR PARENTS. This is crucial. Do not go out and search for someone to marry without your parent’s knowledge; this is especially true for sisters, because they require a Wali (a male guardian). And yes, this applies even when you are in cyberspace!! The Shariah of Allah doesn’t change when we talk about the internet brothers and sisters!!

So if you are offline, as they say, get into touch with community members who can make this process easier for you. Ask around to see who is also looking to get married. And no do not get me wrong…. I don’t mean a brother stepping up to a sister and asking her himself!

A few more laughs in the audience.

…”Rather he should ask good brothers and the sister should ask good sisters. As for online, there are countless matrimonial websites….but beware they contain a lot of fitaan such as pointless freemixing, sharing pictures and the like. Make sure that the woman you question has her Wali’s full knowledge and supervision. This talking should also be done according to the rules of gender interaction in Islam. Be serious! Don’t just play with people’s minds and hearts. And always keep halal.

So as not to drag on since this isn’t a marriage lecture, let me wrap up by advising you all to have a firm intention to marry, follow the permissible means, have Taqwa of Allah and trust in Him and insha’Allah brothers and sisters marriage will be made easy for you.

As for the last statement that “everyone does this’ especially in such and such culture”…. well I say brothers and sisters: do we take our religion from other than Allah and His Messenger? Do we follow any other’s opinions, other than Allah and His Messenger? No! And besides please know brothers and sisters that most of mankind, like Allah SWT said, will lead you into wrongdoing. So fear Allah brothers and sisters do not follow them in their wrongdoing and refrain from using such reasoning. Simply obey Allah and Obey His Messenger and you will be fine!

…This makes so much sense you think! SubhanAllah all this time you were deceiving yourself. You and the brother were using haraam means to achieve a halal end. It’s just wrong, plain and simple.

The sheikh continues and after 15 minutes or so, concludes the talk.

Alhamdulillah what a great lecture! You and your relative walk to the car. Before she can get in the driver’s seat you walk over to give her a hug. While in your embrace, you tell her sincerely how blessed you are to have such a good friend like her and that you really benefitted from this talk. Surprised, she returns your hug.

You get into the passenger seat and on the drive home you know exactly what you are going to do.

As soon as you get home, you turn on your laptop. You see the brother signed in, probably waiting for you? You IM him one last time:

“Asalaamu Alaiakum…I have something important to tell you”

“Walaykum Asalaam. Ok tell me…”

“Well, I just came back from a lecture. It really scared me straight, Alhamdulilah. And it made me realize what we are doing is so wrong brother. We cannot freemix anymore, we can’t call or text each other or share pictures. By saying that eventually we will marry…wallahi it does not make what we are doing halal. It’s still haraam. The fact is, marriage is several years away for me and for you. When the time is right then I will take the permissible means to find a suitable person, and so should you.
The brother is surprised and does not reply back. So you continue.

Listen brother, I know we have been talking for a long time… and it won’t be easy to part, but I’m doing this for the sake and pleasure of Allah and for Him alone. Death can come to us at any moment. So wallahi I do not want to die in a state that is displeasing to my Rabb, by sinning. And this is sinning…what we have been doing for all this time. May Allah forgive me and you!

Now, it’s time to wake up from this trap shaytaan is setting for us. I am going to remove you from my list and from my phone and from any other place I have you. Please do the same. Let’s both repent to Allah, and leave these sins and never return to them.

The brother tries to persuade you out of your plan, but you stay FIRM! Finally, seeing the truth of your words, and also realizing that this is indeed haraam, he agrees. You both remove each other.

When it’s all done, you sit in your chair and breathe a deep sigh of relief. SubhanAllah! That was the easy part, now it’s time for you to stay firm! Insha’Allah.

You sit for some time just reflecting and repenting to Allah SWT. You know the four steps to repentance are:

1. Sincerity to Allaah, the Most High: By doing it only for the sake of Allaah and seeking His reward and salvation from His punishment.

2. Remorse: for the sin that was committed, such that you are sad you did it and wish you had never done it.

3. Ceasing to commit the sin immediately. If the sin was against Allaah, that you should (1) stop doing it if it was an unlawful act, or (2) hasten to do it if it was an obligation that you abandoned doing. You didn’t commit any wrong against a particular person and you know if you did you would have to ask their forgiveness and make things right.

4. Determination: to not go back to doing that sin again in the future.

How NOT to fall into this trap

1) Lower your GAZE! Lower your GAZE and Fear Allah!

 Every time you login in any of your account (orkut, yahoo, facebook, gmail, myspace, etc) ASK YOUR SELF WHY YOU ARE LOGIN. WHAT IS YOUR INTENTION OF LOGIN IN THAT ACCOUNT? Do not see the pictures which are in sisters/brothers profile. Sisters are usually found keeping the pictures of self or any other beautiful girl which obviously attracts the man. And the “add request” to that sister will be in bulk. It is a humble request from me - O sisters! Please don’t keep such images in your profile. It helps in following the Quranic ayah of Surah Noor (24):30.

There is no need to chat with non-mahram for any reason. Yes! For any reason, not even for Dawah. It is haram to intermingle with non-mahram. In the process to save another’s akhirah you are spoiling yours. In the extreme case if you need any assistance, then follow strictly the Quranic ayah of Surah Al ahzab (33):32 which says, be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner. Before interacting ask yourself why you are interacting with him/her, What is your intention? Don’t you think shaytaan can use you for his work? Always ask such question before chatting to anyone. And remember the prophet’s (pbuh) words – If two non mahram are alone, then the third one is Shaytaan.

2) Do NOT freely mix with non-mahram brothers and sisters online or offline

Do NOT add them to your MSN, Yahoo, Google, etc list. Do NOT communicate privately with them on such things like Forums and other social networking sites. Keep to what is necessary. If you need something, go and ask something from them then keep it brief and formal. Do NOT get personal. Act like you are in a business meeting.

3) Get SERIOUS and give up the haraam. If you are one of those that say ‘O I am going to get married to such and such person, and this good INTENTION gives me an excuse to talk to them. Well actually this is NOT right. If you ARE serious, then go through the proper channels such as telling parents, getting them involved and having their approval and supervision when (and if you need) to communicate with them, especially for sisters, this communication should also NOT cross boundaries, remember that if you cannot do this, then brothers and sisters you are either not ready, not serious or your circumstances are not right at the moment so you must then give it up for the sake of Allah, and Allah will grant you something better in it’s place! Make duaa!!

4) If you are not able to marry then fast like the Prophet Salalahu Alayhi wa Salaam advised. Attach yourself to the ilm. Go to masjids and study, listen to lectures of scholars, Surround yourself with good people who speak well, whose actions are good. Read the Quran, ponder over the verses, pray salah - it keeps you away from immoral deeds. Fear Allah, Fear Allah. You will return to Him. We will all return to Him. We ALL will be judged by Him. All the deeds will be open on the day of Judgement and Allah is the Master of that day. So brothers and sisters! Let’s earn Allah’s love by obeying Him and His Messenger, Salalahu Alayhi wa Salaam.

“O you who believe enter into Islam whole hartedly and do not follow the footstep of Satan, For he is to you an open enemy”

Surah Baqarah (2):208.

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