Marriage - Why? When? With? What?

Author: Bela Khan

‘Abdur Rahman bin ‘Auf رضى الله عنه migrated to Madinah with others. He had left all his trade, business and bank balance in Makkah and came to Madinah with absolutely nothing. After few days Prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلمsaw some colors over his garments. He moved ahead and inquired “What’s this color, ‘Abdur Rahman”? ‘Abdur Rahman replied, "I have got married". He congratulated him, blessed him with du’aaa, had a bit of chit chat and moved ahead.
Prophet Muhammad himself got married to the richest woman in town. A prominent business woman having many potential suitors waiting for her. However, she preferred his impeccable moral character. Both embraced each other in simplest manner and no business elite got the invitation for their wedding.

No adjective ever produced by any dictionary can do justice to define his love for his daughter Fatimah رضى الله عنها. He loved her like anything. It was her wedding. He should have shaken the skies, should have booked Burj-ul-Arab and called the world's best catering service. Nay, but he wed his princess in the simplest manner that history would have ever scribbled. No elite class was invited, no hotel was booked, simplest food was provided.


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“And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates of your own kind, so that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy for one another: Surely in that are Signs for those who reflect.” (Surah Ar Rum 30:21)

There is a craving in every man and woman, be he saint or sinner, rich or poor without any differentiation, called "Love". Love is a feeling shared by 7 billion people existing on the face of earth today. Islam has given the best possible way to channelize these feelings and gratify the satiety: "Marriage". It scintillates one's life and fill them with feeling of reassurance, security and happiness. 

The closeness among couple has been described as depicted for no other relationship.

“They are a garment for you and you are a garment to them.” (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187)

Plus it ensures the "lawful" fulfillment of desires. Monasticism is a practice that utterly failed to establish itself. This practice goes against Nature. It is an open secret as to how the churches and nunneries became prostitution houses after having attempted to follow monasticism.

“Of your worldly life, I have been made to desire women and perfume, but the satisfaction of my eye has been made in the Salaah.” (Recorded by Ahmad and An Nasa’i. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani in Sahih Al Jami’)

"For those who love each other, nothing has proven as good as marriage.” (Sunan ibn Maajah, Verified to be authentic by Sheikh al Albani in As Saheehah)

The way we see it now it’s a financial and social contract between two families. This is not how Qur’an explains this ‘Ibadah. It is an ‘Ibadah which puts a check on our vain desires and gives us an official partner to love and who commits to save your religion and honor.


"And marry those among you who are single…" (Surah An Nur 24:32)

Does this ayah give Goosebumps? Oh my son is not earning well, he doesn't have a home of his own, no car either, how is he going to support his wife? The All-knowing answers in the very same Ayah:
“…If they be poor, Allah will enrich them of His bounty. Allah is of ample means, Aware” (Surah Ar Rum 24:32)

Allah promises to give the job. Then why worry yourself?? It's all about having trust on The One Who deserves to be trusted the most.

Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said, "O young people! Whoever among you is able to marry should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty , and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting will diminish his sexual power." (Sahih Al Bukhari)

It is stated that whoever has the ability to get married should get married. Point in focus is that it is not asked to complete your degree, locate a good job, have some handsome salary and then spend few years in searching for your Dream Girl. 

There are so many self-imposed no-no’s which delay this holy tie and ‘ibadah and make Haram easy to get. It will take a separate note to clarify how all no-no’s have nothing to do with Islam. 

Islam doesn’t command you to inspect the whole ancestry of your potential spouse. Sahaba didn’t seek permission from all elders of their family before marrying. It is not mandatory that you stand on your own feet before you seek marriage. Your parents, who care for your education, boarding, lodging and messing, can’t they feed your wife for a few years? Why do Parents overlook the narrations which warn them that if they don’t marry their children in-time and they are going to be responsible for the sins they commit.

With ?

When Hafsa رضى الله عنها was mature, her father Umer رضى الله عنها went to Uthman رضى الله عنه if and asked him to marry his daughter. Then he went to Abu Bakr رضى الله عنه and asked the same. The story goes on and soon Prophet Muhammad married Hafsa. Umer didn’t wait for someone to ask for her daughter. Rather, he went and asked the best to marry her. 

Marriage is an ‘ibadah and Sunnah of Prophet of Allah. It is one of the most important decisions of our life and it has to be for Allah. 

" He who Gives for Allah, and Stops(with-holds) for Allah, And Loves for Allah and Hates for Allah, and Marries for Allah has completed his Faith " (Masnad Ahmed , Arna'oot classified it as Hasan)

"Whomever Allaah has blessed with a righteous wife, He has helped him with half of his religion, so let him fear Allaah with regard to the other half. (Narrated by al-Haakim in al-Mustadrak, classified as hasan by al-Albaani) 

We should think of marriage as a commitment amongst two people to help protect each others religion. And then we should see who fits the best for this commitment. 

Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said , "A woman is married for four reasons, for her religion, her property, her status, her beauty, so you should choose one with religion." (Sahih Muslim)

In one of the famous nightly patrols of Umer رضى الله عنه he heard a conversation between a mother and her daughter. Mother was asking the daughter to bring water to mix with the milk. The daughter reminded her mother that the Khalifah had prohibited diluting milk. The mother said: “The Khalifah is not watching us”. The daughter said: “Even if the Khalifah is not watching, Allah is watching us”. The next day Umer sent his servant to inquire whether that girl was married or not, and then he asked his sons who of them was ready to marry a pious women. He didn’t carry out a long inspection of her family background, her education and her wealth. The practical demonstration of taqwa from the girl was enough for Umer to select a princess for his son. The holy tie resulted in the birth of Umer bin ‘AbdulAziz, who is considered to be by far the best Khalifah after the first four.


“The best wedding is that upon which the least trouble is". (Sunan Abu Dawud, Verified to be Authentic by al-Albani)

So, all we get to see from the above mentioned Ayaat and Ahaadith is that marriage is a simple way for two people to start a new life. It is not supposed to be a mega-event of life which takes years of preparation. The marriage with the least trouble, least expense, least inspection is considered be to the best in the eyes of Allah.

Marriage is supposed to make life easy, and most of us see it as the starting of difficult life. The monstrous preparations of marriage, the innovated mega rituals, functions and the deviated concepts not only destroy the very purpose of marriage but also take away its very essence. So, the world we live in is one with the Haram easy, and the Halal difficult. Those who are already parents shouldn’t inspect the bank balances of those who ask their daughters hand in marriage. And those who are yet to marry, should know if they don’t fight to change the way our parents and society see marriage, it will keep on getting worse. It’s the duty of your parents to aid you in accomplishing this ‘Ibadah as soon as possible and not to hinder the progress with their ‘experienced’ whims and desires. If you are failing to marry on time, don’t blame the circumstances, blame your self, because :
"There are three whom Allah is bound to help: the mujaahid who strives (in jihad) for the sake of Allah, the mukaatib (a slave who has made a contract of manumission with his master) who wants to pay off his manumission, and a man who gets married, seeking to remain chaste." (Jami Tirmidhi, classed as hasan by al-Albaani)

اللهم زوج ايمنا واهدنا الى خير الهدى

This article is a part of the Project Redefinition. See details here


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