Ten Tips Towards Being a Successful Husband
10 Tips on How to Be a Successful Husband
Note: Additions in brackets are notes from a sister.
Prepared by Muhammad Alshareef, reprinted from Islamway.com.
1) Dress Up
Dress up for your wife, look clean and smell good.
When was the last time us men went shopping for designer pajamas? Just
like the husband wants his wife to look nice for him, she also wants her
husband to dress up for her too. Remember that Rasulullah (صلي الله
عليه وسلم) would always start with Miswak when returning home and always
loved the sweetest smells.
Dress up for your wife when you are at home also. Some brothers only
dress up when they go out and that is not a good practice. A husband
should dress up for his wife when they are at home. it makes a wife feel
special.)
2) Sweet Names
Use the cutest names for your wife. Rasulullah (صلي الله عليه وسلم)
had nicknames for his wives, ones that they loved. Call your wife by the
most beloved names to her, and avoid using names that hurt their
feelings.
(Remember, you are your wife’s only boyfriend, and her only best friend. She does not go out seeking boyfriends and she shares a halal relationship with you. Love her unconditionally for the sake of Allah.
And express your love to her. A woman likes to be told that she is
loved. Call her from your work to make sure she is doing fine. I have
seen my dad calling my mother several times a day, just to make sure she
has been eating well. And my husband calls me at least twice from work
to make sure I am doing well. These things are very important in a
relationship.)
3) Reward Her Actions
Don’t treat her like a fly. We never think about a fly in our daily
lives until it ‘bugs’ us. Similarly, a wife will do well all day – which
brings no attention from the husband – until she does something to
‘bug’ him. Don’t treat her like this; recognize all the good that she does and focus on that.
(Whenever there is a fight or argument, just remember all the things
she does for you. she cooks for you, she takes care of your home, she
takes care of your children and the most important thing is that she
guards her modesty. So do not upset her if she is upset with you.
Hold her and tell her that you love her. Only your love can repel her
anger. Communicate with her and discuss with her if there are any
misunderstandings.)
4) Remain Silent
If you see wrong from your wife, try being silent and do not comment!
This is one of the ways Rasulullah (صلي الله عليه وسلم) used when he
would see something inappropriate from his wives (رضالله عنهنّ). It’s a
technique that few Muslim men have mastered.
(Do not criticize her all the time. Trust her and trust her
decisions. If she is doing something that you don’t like, or that goes
against the teachings of Islam, then do advice her gently.)
5) Smile!
(Do let your wife know that you are very happy and blessed to have her. A wife always wonder how her husband feels about her.
She may have some insecurity about you, so make her feel secure. Always
give her a hug whenever you come back from work. appreciate her and
thank her for taking care of everything whole day. If you are not too
tired, go out for star gazing for an hour or so.)
6) Acknowledge Her
Thank her for all that she does for you.
Then thank her again! Take for example a dinner at your house. She makes
the food, cleans the home, and a dozen other tasks to prepare. And
sometimes the only acknowledgment she receives is that there needed to
be more salt in the soup. Don’t let that be; thank her!
(Write thank you notes for her and place those notes in her books,
her purse, her socks, and anything else that belongs to her. You can use
your own creativity to thank her. You can thank her by writing
something on a mirror with her lipstick, so that she can read it when
she wakes up in the morning. You can also thank her by arranging a
candlelight dinner AT HOME, you be the cook and let her rest. So far I
have learned that a nice romantic dinner at home is much better than
going out for dinner. This way a couple saves themselves from many
fitnahs. You can thank her by writing her letters and emails. Remember,
in Islam, everyday is special. So celebrate wife’s day with her, and do
it very often without having a particular date. She will always wonder when the wife’s day is going to be.
Thank her by giving her a gift, and a gift does not have to be
expensive. Be creative! You do not have to give her Roses, you can give
her a leaf too! (My husband gave me a leaf once, instead of roses, and I
was very happy and surprised, and I appreciated his creativity). So
remember, thoughtful and creative gifts makes a wife feel secure and
happy. Thank her by ordering a halal pizza for her, ask the restaurant
to cut it in a heart shape and have it delivered with a personalized
note. Thank her by thanking her in a family gathering. A woman likes it
when her husband gives her attention.
If you visit her parents or your parents, hold her hands and tell
your parents how happy you are after marriage. Give your wife an Islamic
book as a gift after praying Tahajjud. Use your imagination and think about unique gifts.
Remember, she does not need a diamond, she needs your sincerity and
your heart, so always give her the gifts that are thoughtful. Whenever
you do something to make her happy, observe her facial expressions and
ask yourself about how you feel when you become her happiness.)
7) Ten Blessings From Allah
Ask her to write down the last ten things you did for her that made
her happy. Then go and do them again. It may be hard to recognize what
gives your wife pleasure. You don’t have to play a guessing game–ask her and work on repeating those things in your life.
(Also ask her to write down the things you did that she did not like,
or the things you did that made her unhappy. Try to not do those things
in future. If she falls ill, let her lay down, and read different
surahs from Qur’an while placing your hand on her forehead. When I got sick, my husband recited Qur’an for me, it really helped a lot mashaAllah. Remember, a wife needs her husband the most when she is not feeling well. Take good care of her because a healthy wife makes a healthy family. Do not expect too much from her when she is sick.)
8) Validate her Feelings
(If there is a time of sadness, give her your shoulder to cry on.
Hold her and tell her that everything will be fine. Alhamdulillah, my
husband and my dad are amongst those Muslim husbands who would even have
tears in their eyes if their wives are sad. Remember, a woman does not
like to cry alone in a corner. She needs someone to hold her when she is
sad, so never let her feel lonely. Remind her the verses from Qur’an
that talks about Patience and Piety.)
9) Have Fun!
Be humorous and play games with your wife. Look at
how Rasulullah (صلي الله عليه وسلم) would race his wife Aisha (رضالله
عنها) in the desert. When was the last time we did something like that?
(A sense of humor plays a very important role in a marital
relationship. Most women wish to have a husband who has a good sense of
humor. Tell her decent and modest jokes that make her happy. A wife appreciates it very much if her husband makes her smile.
You can play various games at home. Play with crayons, or have a pillow
fight. Or hide different notes in your bedroom and ask her to find it.
Think of different games you can both play. Let her win sometimes!
Adopt interesting hobbies, such as reading, cooking together and
gardening (grow a surprise rose plant in your garden, when you have the
first rose blooming, take her to the garden and show it to her.
Newspaper and Sports Issue! Men like to watch sports, or read newspaper.
Most Pakistani wives consider newspaper as their co-wives. So be very
careful. If you are watching sports, turn the TV off if your wife comes
around. Give her attention. Do not spend too much time reading
newspaper, and do not read newspaper on the breakfast table, rather have
an Islamic discussion. If you want to get her to like newspaper, then
try to find something that interests her. Such as, try to find a news
about Hijab. Or try to find a news about Muslim women for her.)
10) Be The Best
Always remember the words of Allah’s Messenger (صلي الله عليه وسلم):
“The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am
the best amongst you to my family.” Try to be the best! In conclusion:
Never forget to make Dua to Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) to make your marriage
successful. And Allah ta’ala knows best!
(And once again: your wife is your best friend, and your girlfriend. Share everything with her. Remember she is your garment and you are her garment, so hide her faults and mistakes. Learn to forgive her.
Also communicate a lot with her family. It really makes a difference if
husband communicates with his in laws. It helps both husband’s and
wife’s family to share a beautiful relationship. Respect her parents and
show your love to her family. This will inspire her to love and respect
your family. If her family is not muslim, do dawah to them in a
beautiful way.)
Spend lots of time praying to Allah swt. Do fast often even if it is
not Ramadan. Fasting brings patience and taqwah. Lead her in the prayer.
There is nothing better than praying together. Remember Allah, so that Allah remembers you.
May Allah bless us and guide us all. Ameen!
References
Alshareef, Muhammad. “[10 Tips] How to Be a Successful Husband.” IslamWay. 24 Apr. 2007 <http://english.islamway.com/bindex.php?section=article&id=103>.
Source: http://southernmuslimah.wordpress.com/2007/08/30/the-muslim-mans-dress-code/
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