Failed Marriages ! An Analysis

Author: Nisaar Nadiadwala

A young man was once complaining of his matrimonial problems, he said “Alas! My marriage has failed” I consoled him, “if you are divorced then Allah will give you another wife Inshallah” The man retorted, “No, No, I have not divorced, but my marriage has failed, but still we continue to stay together…..”

It was then that I was introduced to an another category of failed marriages in our society.. “We are not happy but we still continue to stay together.” Most of the failed marriages fall in this category. Many couples drag their matrimonial lives out of various reasons. Some are middle aged couples who fear about their own future, specially the wife who may be worried about her future prospective in getting married.

“What stand do my daughter of 37 years have if I get her divorced, when there are hundreds of unmarried girls of 25 – 30 years, earning, looking good..” said a pained father whose daughter continued suffering in her in laws where her husband refused to earn and her mother in law made her worked for hours and the family believed that it was a case of failed marriage but the relation must go on because she had two daughters.

Among the best solutions, can be a proper counseling. We require good counselors who can talk to the warring couples and sort out their issues. Some one senior in the family or a genuine senior personality can be told to interfere in the matter and get it solved. It’s a big contribution to the society. It brings to my mind the honorable verse from the Qur’an from Surah Nis’a, ch 4.. If you fear a breach between the two, appoint two arbiters, one from his family and the other from hers… If they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation… Kindly note the last part of the verse IF THEY WISH FOR PEACE, ALLAH WILL CAUSE THEIR RECONCILIATION….

Once I was a party among the peace keepers of my family where we were trying to sort out an about to break marriage of my relative. The stubborn couple was in a hurry getting separated as they were into hostile fights since the beginning of their married life. We were all about to give up when my grandmother Saeeda Abdul Karim Nadiadwala, stormed in at the last moment. She walked up to us and said, “Don’t take any decision, let me have a word with the couple for few minutes in privacy” We agreed and the couple followed my grandmother. In few minutes all the three came out smiling and my grandmother announced with an authoritative cheer… They have compromised! The couple is still living happily. Since then I had been asking my grandmother that what did she do or what did she say to the couple that prevented a divorce? She never replied me but smiled. Later after ten years when she was on bed I repeated the question again. This time the sick old lady whispered in my ears… I slapped both of them… And then she smiled.

Many a times a timely interference of an elderly person in a matrimonial dispute can save a marriage life even though when it seems that it is running into rough weathers. But slaps are not always a solution unless you hold a position in the heart and the mind of the warring couple that goes unchallenged in terms of love and affection. You must have that charisma that people will give up their egos upon your command.

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Author: Nisaar Nadiadwala speaks and writes on Islam and Muslims. He can be reached at nisaar_yusuf@yahoo.com | www.nisaaryusuf.wordpress.com

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